hile our first suggestion, the gym, may seem the obvious choice, Kate Diamond takes you through another nine novel ways to burn the calories without burning out.


Obviously one of the quickest (though not necessarily easiest) ways to burn calories is to dust off your gym membership and pull on some Lycra. Weight training, aqua aerobics and vigorous rowing all burn the required calories in well under an hour. Other gym activities, such as blow-drying your hair, or asking for the Sky box to be switched to GMTV, take longer.


Dashing through the high street in a desperate attempt to purchase a last minute outfit is roughly equivalent to partaking in a 45-minute body pump class. Weaving neatly around pushchairs, forgoing the gridlocked escalator for the stairs and mad sprints to the changing room heaving piles of clothes along are all excellent forms of exercise. Constantly lifting your arms above your head in order to try on dresses will also keep your heart rate pumping.


The combination of stress, endless chopping and frantic washing up that accompanies cooking a complex menu for eight to 10 people in your own home is a guaranteed calorie burner. Cook with spicy foods, garlic and ginger, all of which will temporarily increase your metabolism. To give your metabolic rate an added boost, ditch the classic hostess beverage of swigging wine directly from the bottle in favour of green tea. Look on the added treks upstairs to the loo as a calorie slashing bonus.


Washing and waxing a car for an hour expends 300 calories. To hit our target you’ll need to scrub and shine for one hour and 40 minutes. Assuming your car has seen a pressure washer sometime this decade, it should not take you the length of a feature film to clean your motor. Instead, lug your mop and bucket round to the neighbours’ and offer your services. It’ll soften the blow next time they find their front garden has been trampled across by eight to 10 drunken people.


It is often said that housework is a great fat burner. Indeed at just 84 minutes for 500 calories, it sounds like a winner. However it is important to remember that this equation requires activities such as vacuuming, polishing and ironing to be carried out at a brisk and persistent pace. Folding your duster into the shape of a chicken and fanning your magazines into a more aesthetically pleasing arc does not count. Allow two hours per 500 calories to be sure.


When done properly, dance should involve the independent movement of all four limbs. Unfortunately most adults require the services of at least several glasses of calorie-laden alcohol in order to even attempt a graduation from planting their feet, swaying slightly to the music and the occasional ironic air punch. The most productive results (as much as 500 calories per hour) can therefore be gained from the purchase of a nineties ‘pop hits’ compilation, access to an empty house and the drive and determination to master complicated dance routines.


Begin by cranking up the electric toothbrush. While not a great calorie buster, at only three-per-minute, it is nonetheless an essential component of sexual interplay. Particularly if you’ve been partaking in the aforementioned metabolism-boosting curry. The average ‘quickie’ burns 250 calories, so chuck in a few extras to bump up your calorie expenditure. Needless to say, the more frantic the better. And while faking an orgasm may have the short term reward of burning more calories than the real thing, it will ultimately leave you depressed and reaching for the ice cream.


After all British football teams failed to qualify for next year’s European Championship, the Ryder Cup looks set to be the sporting event of 2008. And as far as sports go, golf seems pretty rewarding. About 500 calories for three hours 20 minutes of what is essentially a stroll around the park, occasionally hitting a ball and glancing into the air. The outfits are funky, injuries are minimal and the hospitality is second to none. Okay, so you have to lug that big bag of sticks around after you, but it’s the great outdoors and the sun is (hopefully) shinning.


Watching an average sitcom episode takes 23 minutes and burns 36 calories. Add an extra three each time you stand up to change the DVD. A good hearty laugh is also said to lower blood pressure and boost your immune system. Therefore, it seems almost common sense to hire a couple of box sets and settle on the sofa for the day. Five hours should do the trick, but boost your calorie output after particularly witty jokes by applauding, thigh slapping or starting a Mexican wave.


The morning after the night before, exercise is likely to be the last thing on your mind. But before you reach for that cure-all bacon sarnie (approx 342 calories per average serving) know that by lying still you are expending a calorie a minute. Therefore even if you don’t rise from bed all day, you’ll burn 500 calories in eight hours and 20 minutes. If you can bear to reach for the Sunday paper and leaf through the glossies, your calorie consumption will increase to 1.5 calories per minute, and you’ll only have to languish in bed for five-and-a-half hours before you hit 500. Bargain.