f the global crises continues, by the end of this year we will have only two banks left - the Blood bank and the Sperm bank. If in case both banks will merge it will be called "'The Bloody F.. Bank".
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There are two sides to a bank's balance sheet - the left side and the right side. On the left side, there is nothing right, and on the right side, there is nothing left!


Q: With the current market turmoil, what's the easiest way to make a small fortune?
A: Start off with a large one.
Record unemployment levels have been announced today as the Credit Crunch tightens it's grip.
Worst hit sectors are the construction trade and Icelandic bank robbers.
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Q: What's the definition of optimism?
A: An Investment Banker ironing five shirts on a Sunday evening.


I went to the ATM this morning and it said "insufficient funds". I'm wondering is it them or me.

The credit crunch is getting bad isn't it? I mean, I let my brother borrow $10 a couple of weeks back, it turns out I'm now America's third biggest lender.
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Talked to my bank manager the other day and he said he was going to concentrate on the big issues from now on.

He sold me one outside KFC yesterday.
Resolving to surprise her husband, an investment banker's wife pops by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox position, with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitation, he starts dictating, "…and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair!"
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Q: What's the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons?

A: The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW's.
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A rich, dying man, laid on his deathbed, requested to be joined at his bedside by his vicar, his bank manager and his lawyer.

He instructed them that he wished to be buried, when he finally passed away, along with all his money. He gave each of them fifty thousand pounds and asked them to throw the money on top of his coffin, in the burial plot, when he died.
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A couple of days later the old man passed away and was buried within the week. At the wake, the three men were chatting and the vicar was suddenly overcome with guilt. He confessed to the other two that he had only thrown only half of the money onto the coffin, as the church needed urgent repairs to the roof. The bank manager thought, 'What the heck if we are having a confession,' and told the other two men that he had also only thrown half the money in, as the 'Credit Crunch' was hitting hard and he needed some money for the bank to stop it going bust. The lawyer jumped up and said to the other two, 'I think that is a shameful act on both of you. I threw a cheque in for the full amount!"